You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
