Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
