that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
