We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
