I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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