My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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