She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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