I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
