I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
