well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
