My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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