my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
