I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
