I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
