It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
