FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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