new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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