What did we do last night that was yellow?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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