I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
