Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
