I feel like abortions should bother me more
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
