Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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