I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
