Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize