Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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