All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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