Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
