I skipped work to stalk him.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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