Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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