Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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