The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it because I queefed?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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