third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
