So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
