May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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