3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
