Got a toothbrush?
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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