Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Randomize
