i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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