im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize