I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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