its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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