Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Two words: nipple clamps
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