mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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