i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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