Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
ok first of all what the fuck
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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