I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Acid is not a monday night drug
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
