gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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