i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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