things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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