Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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