tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
