His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
