Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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