i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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