dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
