Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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