I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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