Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
