I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
